{First Lisa’s perspective, then mine follows}
I can guess what you might be thinking.
“Sure thing, Lisa. Of course, you’re happily married. After all, look at the man you’re married to.”
And you’d be right. He’s the most wonderful, amazing guy I know.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’d want to be married to him. Because he’s just not an easy guy, if you catch my drift. No, definitely not easy.
Now perhaps you’re starting to suspect that I’m the laid-back one. Nope. ‘Fraid not. That wouldn’t describe me at all. (Remember, we’re the couple that was predicted to wake up hating each other.)
So how do two people – people like he and I – get along so well? Well, I’ll tell you outright: God’s grace and our gratefulness.
And yes, I really mean that. You see, there are plenty of negative things I could focus on when it comes to that guy. But that only leads to grief, both his and mine. I can make myself miserable with all that he doesn’t do….or be thankful for the loving things that he does do.
Rather than stewing over his shortcomings, I’ll lay awake at night considering the many things I have to be grateful for. And then tell him all about it when the morning comes.
Often it’s the little things. Or maybe the big things that you can assume he already knows…but needs to hear from you all the same.
Here’s a sampling from my Grateful List:
- He calls me. When he’s away.
- He brings me home chocolate. (Enough said?)
- He’s generous. Always ready to give others his time and help.
- He warms up my side of the bed. Is that a gift, or what?
- He makes me laugh. Most every day. Keeps me from getting too serious.
- He’s a good dad. He cares about each child.
- He’s honest. He’ll always tell you the straight truth.
- He holds me. When I cry. Those times when I can’t keep it pasted together any longer.
What does your list look like? Probably different than mine. And maybe it’s something you’ll have to stay awake all night working on. But that’s okay. See if you can come up with at least 10 things you appreciate about that man of yours.
Then start telling him those things. One at a time. Slowly, sincerely. And see what happens….to the both you.
You just might find that you’re married to a most wonderful, amazing guy too.
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I don’t know why it’s like this (okay, I do, it’s called sinfulness) but it’s just not my natural inclination to focus on all the wonderful things there are to be grateful for.
Like the time I came home from work, walked into the room and before I said, “Hello,” pointed to the space underneath the couch,
“Hey Babe, someone left a pair of socks under the couch.” (It’s so helpful to be extra observant!)
You know that moment when the tension in the room is about the consistency of cold peanut butter? Yeah, that moment.
Lisa turned my direction and that’s when it hit me hard. She didn’t have to say a word . . . she did, but, before she spoke I could see in her eyes that I had hurt her deeply with my “helpful observation”.
You see, when I walked in the door, I did smell the six loaves of fresh baked bread mingling with the roast in the oven. I did see that the house had been cleaned and put in order before my arrival. I observed that all the dishes had been washed and the sink was ready for the dinner dishes. I did take note that the kids had been bathed. I enjoyed walking into my happy peaceful home with the kids running to greet me.
It would have taken so little to make Lisa’s heart soar – a genuine smile . . . a deep breath, savoring the wonderful smells filling our home . . . a hug and kind comment of appreciation but, no.
What I did was take my wonderful wife – this amazing gift from God – for granted. Amidst all that she had accomplished and just before being blessed richly by the loving work of her hands, all I could comment on was a misplaced pair of socks.
It took her a while to recover, after I asked for forgiveness.
Here is the irony – I was grateful for all she had done . . . on the inside. But, that doesn’t much matter, does it? Gratefulness is meaningless unless it is expressed – unless we say something.
The habit of gratefulness is really the habit of expressing thanks. I’ve had to grow in this area. Many husbands do. There are so many things in any given day that your wife does for which you can tell her you appreciate her like – loving the kids, loving you, working so hard, etc., etc. Give it some thought and your list will be surprisingly long.
Spend a little time thinking about the many things your wife does and begin the habit of expressing your thanks, every day. The desire of every wife is to know she is truly valued and appreciated. The love given through gratefulness by an attentive husband is returned in great measure. Why not start that process right now?
The habit of expressing gratefulness is essential for building the bonds of love in a highly fulfilling marriage.
~Matthew
FAITHFUL MAN® 